Single at 50 - Reflections at 60

Talking with a friend recently we broached the subject about how long I had been single - 10 years. The conversation focused on what surprises I'd encountered and, quite honestly, the list was fairly long.  As I thought back on our conversation, I came up with my top list of life lessons from that decade.

1) Can’t split an egg

Cooking takes on new dimensions when trying to cook for one.  Halving a recipe can be an option, but at some point scaling it down hits a roadblock – the egg.  I can halve a banana, a cup of flour, even a tablespoon of milk, but one-half of an egg still results in one whole egg.   So, the dilemma in cooking is not one of creativity and culinary skill, but one of managing leftovers and testing the boundaries of endurance eating the same meal for dinner 5 nights in a row.

 

2) A naked friend is a necessity

Not to be confused with having a friend who is naked, this is the person who can come to your house and pull you from the tub when the back spasms kick in and you’re trapped.   In some cases, this might push the boundaries of friendship, but having someone to take that call beats the heck out of spending the night on the floor where strangers can find you naked.  

 

3) It is always where you left it

Gremlins (also known as children) did not sneak into the house last night and move the car keys.   As is always the case when you live alone, the keys are where you put them.  In the refrigerator by the leftovers created by the egg that couldn’t be halved – that’s where you put them and that’s where they will be. 

 

4) Just use the good stuff

Eating from the pot on the stove or surrendering to the temptation to simply grab paper plates might seem efficient, but nothing says you have be a slob when you’re single.  Washing dishes is not criminal and takes only a few minutes.  Use the crystal and the china, then let it be a reminder to you of how special you are as a person and at the end of the day, you are worth it!

 

5) Morality is a lost art

This surprised me more than I would have expected.  Far too many people I know (especially older ones) find more excuses to jump into bed with the “new” one.  My favorite ‘excuse’ is the social security game. It goes like this, if we get married, we’ll lose some of our social security, so, we’re just going to live together instead.  I can only shake my head on this one.

 

6) Trouble with the two-brain theory

Although researchers have debunked the idea of discreet two-brain system (left vs right), I have discovered it might still have a little merit.  Without a lot of detail, soon after I became single again areas in which I lack talent became glaring shortcomings and all of them came from the right side.

 

7) Traveling is weird

Going it alone is okay and there is a lot of freedom in scheduling, but the alone part can take over.  Traveling in groups can offset some of this, but it’s not difficult to be alone in a big crowd of casual friends either.   Choices are limited – stay home or brave the weird stuff and go anyway….I go!

 

8) Divorce was not death

Although in the beginning it seemed as if life was over, it wasn’t.  As human beings, we are highly adaptable and with the passage of time new events overcame the old.  It took a while, but slowly the haze that seemed to surround me and siphon the life out of me began to lift.  As it did, it revealed a brand new world waiting to be discovered.

 

9) Being sick sucks

No way to get around this one.  The stomach bug that attacks in the middle of the night is a party of one.  What I have learned is to be a little better prepared; keep water on the nightstand and the cell phone handy – just in case.

 

10) So much to be thankful for

My family and church family, my friends, a great job, reasonably good health, kids who are all happy and settled, healthy grandkids, a nice house and reliable car, respect from the people I value most, money in the bank, and even an optimistic look toward retirement.  Life really is good!

 

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