Single at 50 - Reflections at 60

Talking with a friend recently we broached the subject about how long I had been single - 10 years. The conversation focused on what surprises I'd encountered and, quite honestly, the list was fairly long.  As I thought back on our conversation, I came up with my top list of life lessons from that decade.

1) Can’t split an egg

Cooking takes on new dimensions when trying to cook for one.  Halving a recipe can be an option, but at some point scaling it down hits a roadblock – the egg.  I can halve a banana, a cup of flour, even a tablespoon of milk, but one-half of an egg still results in one whole egg.   So, the dilemma in cooking is not one of creativity and culinary skill, but one of managing leftovers and testing the boundaries of endurance eating the same meal for dinner 5 nights in a row.

 

2) A naked friend is a necessity

Not to be confused with having a friend who is naked, this is the person who can come to your house and pull you from the tub when the back spasms kick in and you’re trapped.   In some cases, this might push the boundaries of friendship, but having someone to take that call beats the heck out of spending the night on the floor where strangers can find you naked.  

 

3) It is always where you left it

Gremlins (also known as children) did not sneak into the house last night and move the car keys.   As is always the case when you live alone, the keys are where you put them.  In the refrigerator by the leftovers created by the egg that couldn’t be halved – that’s where you put them and that’s where they will be. 

 

4) Just use the good stuff

Eating from the pot on the stove or surrendering to the temptation to simply grab paper plates might seem efficient, but nothing says you have be a slob when you’re single.  Washing dishes is not criminal and takes only a few minutes.  Use the crystal and the china, then let it be a reminder to you of how special you are as a person and at the end of the day, you are worth it!

 

5) Morality is a lost art

This surprised me more than I would have expected.  Far too many people I know (especially older ones) find more excuses to jump into bed with the “new” one.  My favorite ‘excuse’ is the social security game. It goes like this, if we get married, we’ll lose some of our social security, so, we’re just going to live together instead.  I can only shake my head on this one.

 

6) Trouble with the two-brain theory

Although researchers have debunked the idea of discreet two-brain system (left vs right), I have discovered it might still have a little merit.  Without a lot of detail, soon after I became single again areas in which I lack talent became glaring shortcomings and all of them came from the right side.

 

7) Traveling is weird

Going it alone is okay and there is a lot of freedom in scheduling, but the alone part can take over.  Traveling in groups can offset some of this, but it’s not difficult to be alone in a big crowd of casual friends either.   Choices are limited – stay home or brave the weird stuff and go anyway….I go!

 

8) Divorce was not death

Although in the beginning it seemed as if life was over, it wasn’t.  As human beings, we are highly adaptable and with the passage of time new events overcame the old.  It took a while, but slowly the haze that seemed to surround me and siphon the life out of me began to lift.  As it did, it revealed a brand new world waiting to be discovered.

 

9) Being sick sucks

No way to get around this one.  The stomach bug that attacks in the middle of the night is a party of one.  What I have learned is to be a little better prepared; keep water on the nightstand and the cell phone handy – just in case.

 

10) So much to be thankful for

My family and church family, my friends, a great job, reasonably good health, kids who are all happy and settled, healthy grandkids, a nice house and reliable car, respect from the people I value most, money in the bank, and even an optimistic look toward retirement.  Life really is good!

 

Chester Gould's vision

A reminder was delivered to me this morning about how far technology has come during my lifetime. It is easy to remember black and white television, knowing which rings belonged to grandma's telephone on the party line, and marveling at Dick Tracy's two-way wrist radio. Still, to imagine that futuristic vision of technology would come to pass in my lifetime is humbling.

In many ways, I've had a front row seat to observe the changes. Watching the space program of the 1960s was the beginning as the transitor and miniturization became the trend of technology. My father purchase a Texas Instruments calculator around 1970 (a TI-SR10 I think). It was remarkable how those small red diodes could do all of the stuff that slide rule could and do it without those pesky human errors. Advancing on through my time in the Navy, I was able to watch our ship transition from morse code and HF frequency teletype signals to satellite relay networks that moved communications traffic with virtually no errors. An undergraduate degree in data processing introduced me to mainframe hardware and subsequently to microprosessor technologies. With the advent of the Internet, I watched as we expanded the interconnectivity of the world and continued the path of technology to smaller and faster.

It is against that backdrop of immense change my reminder came this morning. Sitting at my desk, unable to join several friends on a ski trip to Crested Butte, CO , I accessed a web camera sitting atop a restaurant at the base of the ski slopes. That I was able to look at the same mountain they was skiing was in small way comforting. As I watched though, it became clear three of the people standing at the base of the lift were my friends. A couple of text messages followed by a call from a cell phone one of them was holding and we confirmed with a wave that technology has linked us in a way Chester Gould could only imagine.

Grandma's ring was 2-shorts.

........... To Friendship

Should you go first and I remain to walk the road alone,
I’ll live in memory's garden friend with happy days we’ve known.
In spring I’ll watch for roses red when fades the lilac blue,
In early fall when brown leaves call I’ll catch a glimpse of you.

Should you go first and I remain to finish with the scroll,
No darkened shallows shall creep in to make this life seem droll.
We’ve known so much of happiness; we’ve shared a cup of joy,
And memory is a gift from God death cannot destroy.

Should you go first and I remain for battles to be fought,
Each thing you’ve touched along the way will be a hallowed spot.
I’ll see your face, I’ll hear your voice and though blindly I may grope,
The memory of your helping hand will bore me on with hope.

Finally, friend should you go first, one thing I’d have you do,
Walk slowly down that long, long path for soon I’ll follow you.
I’ll want to know each step you take, that I may walk the same.
For someday down that long path, you’ll hear me call your name.

Adapted from lyrics recorded by the Cathedral Quarter “Beyond the Sunset”

Business Travel 102

There are enough blog entries about Travel 101. They all address the anectodal issues of delayed aircraft, bad food, poor service, etc, etc. I've done that and lived to regret the experience, but it has been a while. Today's experience refined the element of business travel I've long overlooked.

Admittedly, over the past several years, I've grown accumstomed to the lifestyle and culture of Louisiana. While I've traveled extensively through the state, it was an illuminating day to travel outside of the area where crawfish is a standard on the menu. Standing in the cooridor of the Atlanta airport, the cornucopic diveristy of life exploded across the spectrum of what we call life. It was almost too much to bear, gaping at the mini-skirts designed to gently embrace and accentuate frames of 100 pounds, groan at the task of constraining the 150+ pounds wrapped within. There is no delicate way to put this -- too much thigh, too little "why" -- my brain is purged, please don't do that again. Then, again, there was the kilt. For the life of me, I cannot understand what makes a man wear a skirt. Call it a kilt if you will, but really dude, you are wearing a jacket, a pleated skirt, and a crocs -- really?!? -- it's a kilt. Okay, fine, if you say so, but trust me, I'm not putting on my skin. I have enough problems with gossip just being single. Okay, then there was the group I can't even being to classify -- a sundress with black suede 4-inch heels (really?); the jacket, t-shirt, and suede boots combo (sorry, too slow with the camera -beyond belief), or perhaps it was the bulemia twins - dressed alike in an embrace of death that will end soon, but in heels and leather. Dudes, really, go buy some decent clothes.

Some basic rules in the airport:
Muscle shirt = redneck
Mullet = redneck
Tatoo/mullett = redneck
Tatoo/mullett/muscle shirt = Maybe she wants you -- i'm really out of my element and can't help you . We're are on different wavelengths -- good luck to you, but in all likelihood = redneck.

Having said all that, I'm drawn back the fact that God created each of us and longs to have a realtionship with us. What's holding you back? This stuff? Hey, God created "you" and if nothing else mattered, that would be reason enough to love Him back.

Third Day

Admittedly, it was the first rock concert I'd attended since sometime in the early 1980s, so, my expectations were somewhat ambiguous about the event at best. Moreover, it was the first Christian rock concert I'd ever attended. Not that my musical taste don't span an eclectic array of offerings, it is just that the opportunity had really never presented itself to attend this type of concert. However, a dear friend offered up the ticket, I was available, the concert was close, and I knew the promoter - seemed as if destiny had a hand in things. The only potentially troubling point was that a dear colleage, knowledgable of my musical taste, was shocked that I would even considering going. My curiosity antlers were piqued.

The opening act, a soloist named Trevor Morgan, performed three original songs over a period of 15 minutes or so to get everyone warmed up. He seemed to be a talented guitarist with some vocal skills, but if pressed to choose, I'd give a nod to his guitar skills. Trevor was followed by a group known as Tenth Avenue No. Judging from crowd response, although relative young, they were evidently quite popular among those aware of their music. What struck me most about the second group as the volume. They were loud! After some 45 mintes of their musings, the concert took a break so the business of concerting (t-shirts, cd's, scholorship applications) could take place. My ears appreciated the pause. Eventually, the stars of the show, Third Day, came to the stage and performed at length to a very appreciative and receptive crowd. Not that I was really surprised, but I enjoyed the concert. Although I was not familiar with the music, the musicians were talented, the sound / mix was professionally done, and the performance was relaxed, God centered, and nicely delivered -- very glad I went.

Because this was my first Christian concert, I really had no basis for comparison against other concerts. Still, I had some opinions about what I observed. My first observation was obviously volume. The volume, in and of itself, was not a problem. The concert promoter is a church friend who graciously saved us seats in the VIP section - 4 rows from the stage -- 20 feet directly in front of the 8 foot tall speaker array. When the bass string was plucked everything in and on my body vibrated. In this respect, not really different from the old rock and roll days of the early 70s and I eagerly await the return of my hearing. The lyrics, for the most part were God centered and I really liked that. I was reminded though, during one of the songs, of a comment attributed to an unknown author some years back regarding contemporary Christian music. A song that can be sung to your dog, girlfriend, or God with equal compassion and enthusiasm is probably not a song written for the gospel. This was probably most evident in the Tenth Avenue No song "I'm Yours Tonight - Break Me Down", was seen as a Christian song, but only in that venue -- put into another setting, it could suggest something much more dark and secular -- maybe to the girlfriend. Highlighting that idea was the couple (married we think) sitting just in front of us. It's really hard to conceptualize how the gospel was fitting into what they were doing to the absolute dismay of their teenage daughter, but then again, I don't really know their heart. The other general observation had to do with the crowd. Those in attendance were a cross section of the polulation of this area. People of all ages (8 - 80), white, black, hispanic, and while it didn't come up in discussion, a variety of belief systems sat together in a celebration through music.

The musical charts and the sound of the bands is probably what I enjoyed the most though. The sound seemed to be a hybrid of a couple of 1970s rock bands, Uriah Heep and Deep Purple. The singers tended to push the upper limits of the vocal range for the most part. However, there were segments where the talents of the second tenor voice of the Third Day lead singer were really highlighted. Overall , the charts were well written and well played reflective of the talent of the performers.

At the end of the evening, I was left with a mixed opinion on the lyrics and the crowd, positive thoughts about the sound, and impressed by the commitment and talent of the musicians on stage. As we left, my thought wandered by to Philippians 1:18, But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice. Yes, and I will continue to rejoice... In many churches, the musical divide is more damaging to the body than disagreements over doctrine and understanding. There is really no justification for either side of that discussion. Tonight Christ was the center, everyone there knew that, and when all is said and done, that is all that really matters.