Rules for Manhood

Man Code:

Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.

A pick-up truck is never 'cute'.

When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.

Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever.

The maximum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, decide how much pain can you endure.

No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.

Agreeing to stick around and escort the friend of a 'hottie' that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty.

Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it.

Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.

If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem - you didn't see nothin'.

The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.

When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If your buddy has, within the last 24 hours, violated any of these rules and is thus deserving of a butt-whooping, then you may sit back and enjoy.

Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.

Unlocking a car door for another man is polite. Opening it is gay.